Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Nat latex en cowboys

Here's a little something I wrote about 2 years ago. It's in Afrikaans so I hope most of you can read it. The blog has got my fingers itching for some writing again.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

To put it bluntly

Today is one of those days when my inner bitch needed to come out for a bit of a stretch and some fresh air. I am still recovering from the weekend's party, which started on Saturday afternoon and ended on Sunday afternoon. This does not make me the most pleasant person to be around at the moment.

Luckily I found something new to brighten up my day. Check out some of my favourites:

And I won't be able to pencil you in either.

Ahaha, that silly wench!

Oh how these filled me with glee. Now to go and find someone whose life I can make a living hell.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Back from outer space

So I'm back. Well rested and ready to go. Well, sort of. I could have done with one more week there. In fact, I could have done with staying there and having all our stuff sent down with the next train.

Oh well, as the one banking commercial used to say: One day. We had a slendid time. The train was really such a relaxing ride and such a nice way to see the countryside. We've done car travel, plane and bus and out of all of those I must say I prefer the train. It does take a bit longer, but it's well worth it. I highly recommend the experience.

Also I have to commend Cape Town's metro rail. For a whitey from Gauteng, it's highly unusual to be able to take the metro train and I am really envious of that luxury. We took the metro from CT train station to Fish Hoek and aside from nearly dying from heat and dehydration (recovering from a hangover) we made it to the other side with all our limbs and luggage.

Our friend stays in Glen Cairn and we were able to abuse her hospitality for the whole time we were there. She has a really nice place with an excellent view, we spent a whole lot of the time watching dvds, over eating and generally making pigs of ourselves. My kind of holiday.

Do yourselves a favour and go to the Vaudeville Theatre in Cape Town. What an experience! It's like being at the circus, but only the way you remember it, not the way it appears now to your jaded adult mind. Plus there's an act with two male Romanian gymnasts. That's really the only reason you should want to go.

The Cape is really beautiful and we are really serious about moving there. But first of course several things have to happen, not least of which is me working from home. This a major goal for this year and I am visualizing the shit out of it.

Friday, March 12, 2010


Remember the Carol Burnett show? I loved it. Still do. The nice thing about the internet is that I am now able to rewatch most of those wonderful shows from my childhood.

Note the young Dame Maggie Smith in that one. Carol Burnett's impression of the queen fucking kills me. Other favourites of mine include Carol as Norma Desmond, doing a parody of Gone with the Wind (look out for her fabulous dress/curtains) and the shows parody of the soap operas of the day - which were all broadcast live and always full of technical faults, incompetent actors and missed cues.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Demotivational posters

I just really do not know what to make of this.

Thanks to my friend Sandy I nearly had a wet spot in my pants from laughing at the newest addition to the terrorist pantheon. Presumably he's useful because he can be smuggled in small cases of luggage, he waits until the plane is airborne, then jumps out to scare people.

Curiosity then tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out the site address at the bottom of the photo. How could I not look?

This one amused me so much because I have some friends that are addicted to playing games on Facebook for some obscure reason . I've never been able to get into it.

Oh dear. Don't worry, a little sunlight liquid and we'll have that right out, no problem!

Even after years of expensive therapy, little Timmy still screamed at the sight of a Superman duvet cover.

The dangers of not reading the instructions.

And last but not least. I'm thinking of having this one printed on a large poster and laminated. I will take it wherever I go.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Gentlemanly means

So it's Wednesday morning and as usual we had to sit through another tortuous staff meeting. It is the bane of my existence, I get a physiological reaction just thinking about it. Groaning, eye-rolling, back pain... It sort of reminds me of PT classes at school, although that physically made me ill because of the mental and physical torture that I knew I would soon endure.

While now at least I don't have to deal with some sadistic bastard making me run up and down the rugby field until I collapse from heat exhaustion, I do have to deal with an idiot for whom the concept of respecting other people's time is completely foreign. I hate people wasting my time, I hate doing things which I feel are not contributing to my general enjoyment of life. It's selfish and childish, but hey, I have many other qualities which make up for it.

It's not that I mind meetings and all these other adult, responsible things which have been rather prematurely foisted upon me, I just don't like when it takes longer than an hour for it to happen. Especially when the other person is actually just wasting time and not using it constructively.

There are so many other things I would rather be doing than listening to you Mr. Important. Getting a root canal. Listening to Jurie Els and Robbie Klay sing a duet about their eternal love for each other. Massaging Julius Malema's feet while he makes a speech about the nationalisation of mines. Oh the things I could do if I were a Gentleman of Means.

See the hammock - note my absence from it.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What's in a name?

So up until recently, yesterday afternoon to be precise, I was convinced that I was the only person with my name in the entire universe. My parents made it up by combining their names (it was the seventies and they were young) and it's taken me the better part of my life and loads of therapy to get over that and forgive them (some bitterness still lingers).

Introduce yourself with a name like this, especially to someone in a crowded noisy nightlcub, and you will inevitably get a blank stare and that look that says: "I will never be able to remember your name". Never mind the trauma I went through in all the schools I've been to. Let's just say that kids aren't very kind to those with unusual names.

Some days are better than others when it comes to my acceptance of it. Some days I would enjoy the idea of there only really being one of me, because no one else has this name. Other days I would say my name over and over to myself, this usually leads to any word sounding weird, doing this with my name leads to despair and lots of alcohol.

I'd googled myself before of course. The very first time I'd used the internet, way before Google had ever existed, I'd looked for another name like mine. Never any luck. So it was in a moment of "it's-almost-time-to-bugger-off-home-and-I'm-bored" that I googled my name again yesterday and suddenly got a small mountain of hits. One very interesting one was a design company in Australia called Alwill. Then I started noticing that all these hits were people with my name as their surname!

I've only just started looking into this, but it would seem that this name has something of the Irish in it, descendant of Allwell or something along those lines. Oh joy upon joy! Finally my name means something! I can actually point to it and say that it is a full blooded name with some history behind it, even though my parents completely made it up in a moment of post-birth euphoria!

But it's still a rare name. So I'm still special. So there.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Broken taillight and weekend ruminations

So my weekend started off with a colleague backing into my car and smashing my taillight, in the parking lot at work. That's fine, she's been going through a rough time the past couple of months and is absent minded to begin with. I just don't understand how she managed it, her car is on the other side of the parking lot, 2 bays away from me...

The exhibition went well, I just got a red nose from standing in the sun drinking wine. Then we went to some place in Greenside, then we went to another place... It gets a bit blurry after that. What I do remember is getting stuck in a 3 km traffic jam on the highway at 12:00 in the evening. I really hate Gauteng sometimes.

What does have me in a very chipper mood this morning is our impending train trip Cape Town:) Next week this time I will be waking up to the rocking motion of a train with the beautiful Western Cape landscape sliding by outside my window. Can't wait!

Friday, March 5, 2010


I've known about this guy's work for a while, but recently rediscovered it. My love for manga and cute guys combined:






I know that technically the above couldn't really be called manga, but I don't know what else to call it. Also, I'm not sure why there is a dog in all of these pictures, let's just put it down to those nutty Japanese and their incredibly bizarre taste in porn and then absolutely do not think about it any further.

I would love to able to get hold of one of his graphic novels, but that's easier said than done. Seeing as how his website is in Japanese I have no idea how one is supposed to get hold of him or his work. Correction, I do know that you can get a book of his artwork from HO editions which is some French publishing company, but can't find them either. Surely it can't be this difficult getting hold of something or someone in the Information Age? Investigations are proceeding.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

James, bring me my flamethrower

What abomination is this?

Where to begin? Just when I thought the Jonas Brothers was the full embodiment of all that could possibly be wrong with corporate owned music, along comes this shrill little hobbit. Turns out this girlie faced 16 year old, who probably doesn't even have one pubic hair yet, is singing about how his first love will always be his baby. Original.

I have this thing about child singers, actors, child whatever. I grew up in the traditional Afrikaans way, i.e. being taught "you must be seen and not heard", and being in adult conversation was seriously discouraged. Of course, now I am all grown up and I am all for kids being wherever the hell they want to be and my partner's nieces and nephews talking with me about chakras and current socio political issues (they are 7 and 10 and 6. kids these days!).

I still have this thing from my childhood though. I grew up in the church, what with my dad being a pastor and everything (that's a whole other story) and the church frequently hosted some or other gospel "artist". Some times these "artists" were children. I hated them with every fiber of my being, simply because they were up there in front of all the adults being the center of attention. They were allowed to be in their conversation and could actually take part in it as well. Of course this made them totally unsuitable for conversation with us children who didn't have the free pass to the adult party. Try to talk to them? Oh noooo! They were simply too good for that. Try to start a conversation with your impressive He-man collection and you would get this pitying yet malevolent glare that said "Get away from me you immature little cockroach!" or worse, they wouldn't even acknowledge your existence. Then their manager/mommy would bustle them off to vicariously live through them some more.

Usually though, these kids have a complete burn out by age 17, go through some hectic drug taking/drinking/sheep-shagging phase and then eventually become born again by 20 and end up touring the country's high schools singing gospel songs while playing the guitar with their eyes closed. And using the word "cool" a lot. I suppose I could feel sorry for them - get over it - but I'm not that big a person.

Besides, they didn't want to look at my He-man. Fuck 'em.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

New header

Just a quick post today. We survived quiz night with minimal casualties and, thanks to our team leader, even managed to score Peroni ice buckets and bottle openers for our finish in second place. That and loads of packets of lube for some reason. Hey, I'm not gonna say no to free lube.

So car is in the shop, hoping for good news soon. I'm at home catching up with some freelance work. Also changed my blog header, thought it a cute photo.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

All a-quiver

Well, I'm feeling mostly human again. Just in time too 'cause tonight is quiz night with the girls at News Cafe. The first and only other quiz night I've ever done was at this bar close to where I stay. It used to be "Purple Lounge" or "Fly Lounge" or something like that, but the area demographics changed. It's now called "Springbok Bar" and is owned by Kurt Darren.

Soul scarring Afrikaans music aside it was a fun experience and I think we won something towards the end of the evening, but for the life of me I can't remember what. Each table makes up a team that gets a sheet of questions that needs to be answered in a series of rounds. Drinking takes place in between, during and sommer all of the time. I have promised myself to take it easy.

Yeah right.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Bloody Mouldering Monday

So our "everything-in-moderation-from-now-on" plan didn't live to see Friday night. As soon as I got home I got a shandy in one hand and cigarette in the other. I feel a bit guilty that I didn't do some work on Saturday like I said I would the whole week, mainly 'cause I spent the whole week avoiding said work 'cause I though I would have the whole weekend for it. Oh well, it was fun regardless and a major thing that I try to avoid these days is any more baggage.

Two weeks to Cape Town train trip and excitement is mounting! Haven't been on a train in such a long time and nostalgic visions from my rose-tinted childhood train trips keep flooding my senses. Already have two interesting restaurants on the itinerary, Vaudeville Theatre and Pancho's (I know, it's in Obs). If any of you have any other suggestions please let me know, I plan to weigh more than my luggage by the end of the trip;)

This coming weekend is the Artist-currently-known-as-My-Partner's exhibition in Melville. Always an exciting if somewhat nerve wrecking experience, but the wine is free and flows like water while I stand around looking all intellectual and pretending I know something about art. The trick is to use the word "juxtaposition" a lot.

Well let me go and pay some bills. Damn you Monday, you could at least have used some lube.