Thursday, March 4, 2010

James, bring me my flamethrower

What abomination is this?

Where to begin? Just when I thought the Jonas Brothers was the full embodiment of all that could possibly be wrong with corporate owned music, along comes this shrill little hobbit. Turns out this girlie faced 16 year old, who probably doesn't even have one pubic hair yet, is singing about how his first love will always be his baby. Original.

I have this thing about child singers, actors, child whatever. I grew up in the traditional Afrikaans way, i.e. being taught "you must be seen and not heard", and being in adult conversation was seriously discouraged. Of course, now I am all grown up and I am all for kids being wherever the hell they want to be and my partner's nieces and nephews talking with me about chakras and current socio political issues (they are 7 and 10 and 6. kids these days!).

I still have this thing from my childhood though. I grew up in the church, what with my dad being a pastor and everything (that's a whole other story) and the church frequently hosted some or other gospel "artist". Some times these "artists" were children. I hated them with every fiber of my being, simply because they were up there in front of all the adults being the center of attention. They were allowed to be in their conversation and could actually take part in it as well. Of course this made them totally unsuitable for conversation with us children who didn't have the free pass to the adult party. Try to talk to them? Oh noooo! They were simply too good for that. Try to start a conversation with your impressive He-man collection and you would get this pitying yet malevolent glare that said "Get away from me you immature little cockroach!" or worse, they wouldn't even acknowledge your existence. Then their manager/mommy would bustle them off to vicariously live through them some more.

Usually though, these kids have a complete burn out by age 17, go through some hectic drug taking/drinking/sheep-shagging phase and then eventually become born again by 20 and end up touring the country's high schools singing gospel songs while playing the guitar with their eyes closed. And using the word "cool" a lot. I suppose I could feel sorry for them - get over it - but I'm not that big a person.

Besides, they didn't want to look at my He-man. Fuck 'em.


  1. My ex-girlfriend Lynne always used to refer to kids like the one you just described as 'hammer jobs'. You just want to take a ten-pound hammer to their little big heads…

  2. so regte ou fietsry gesig, as jy hom sien wil jy hom net trap! :)

  3. lol - i love this post.

    plus - snap! my dad was also a pastor. and my brother is.

  4. aah no fair, 2 pastors beat a queen! lol thx, we should compare notes sometime :)

  5. HAHAHA! I think I just peed a little.

  6. @Juz oh dear, and I just had the floor waxed